I have three questions:

1. Sometimes I feel angry when people claim to be 'experts', for example when someone declares themselves the authority on 'good writing', without an ounce of humor/irony. How do I calm down?

2. I'm turning 33 in November. Do you have any recommendations for a memorable birthday?

3. I want to engage in prank wars with my frenemies, for example emptying the Keurig right before they wish to use it. Can you suggest some ideas?

— Signed your new Medium nemesis (I know I have big shoes to fill, it keeps me up at night)